desires can be strong

So, I can't get my mind off of adopting. There are many reasons. Maybe it's just the fact that around this time every year we get ourselves pregnant;). Maybe it's that we're getting a 12 passenger van and it wouldn't be right to keep the seats empty.
But really, I have a burning desire. The funny thing about it is, the many reasons why it probably won't happen. We have 7 people in a 3 working bedroom house. It costs a lot of money. Our 5th baby disqualified us from a half dozen international countries. A birth mom would have to be crazy enough to choose a family of 7, and the biggest reason is that my husband doesn't have the same burning desire I do. Josh and I usually think the same. Occasionally we don't. This scenario is tricky for me. I never know whether to pray that Josh changes his mind (that's my favorite idea) or that God would take my desire away. I'm thinking with this one that I'll lay my heart out before God. Wait for Him to examine my motives behind this crazy desire to adopt a child. And wait for Him to do whatever He wants with the desire. Amen.

a before and after...nostalgia

with "pumpkin" in

with "pumpkin" out

journal entry 10/12/10

I bought Noah a Bible yesterday. Your Word is so clear Father. It truly brings fervor when I know it. I was reading in John yesterday about how Jesus told his disciples that he was preparing rooms for us in heaven and i had the privilege of reading on about the Holy Spirit he was sending, the Counselor. John 14:26 "But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you." So many times I wonder how to dig deeper, how to gain wisdom- We were left with the Counselor in our hearts. He will "teach us and remind us". AWESOME.


On another note, I took one for the team today, in the eye. Who knows exactly how it happened but I was left with a swollen and purple eyelid (kinda compliments the green in my eye). My mother in law mentioned the velveteen rabbit . To quote the author, " The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seems underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a large succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger and by and by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else. For the nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made,"said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with but REALLY loves you, then you become Real." "Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit. "Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are real you don't mind being hurt." "Does it happen all at once, like being wound up," he asked, "or bit by bit?" "It doesn't happen all at once", said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand." "I suppose you are Real?" said the Rabbit. And then he wished he had not said it, for he thought the Skin Horse might be sensitive. But the Skin Horse only smiled."

I'd be honored to be the Skin Horse.

Before The Morning - Josh Wilson - Worship Video w-lyrics

I love Psalm 119. It inspires me to hunger for righteousness for the sole purpose of understanding God more. I love what I read about Him in the Word. I want to know more and more what it feels like to whisper back and forth with him. To know His heart more quickly. To see people and things the way He sees em. Ahh, Psalm 119, how dear you are to me.

I guess it's this, I don't know what to do with it. Everything in me hates seeing them have to go through this pain.