Ebenezers and such

The Lord has been weaving together His Word, His whispers, and His grace to bring hope to my weary soul.

For quite some time I was lacking zeal. There was little joy, and even more disheartening, the sound of silence. It wasn't from a lack of pleading with Him, not from a lack of guilt, not even a lack of "time with Him". I have verses scribbled all over chalkboards in my house. I talk to the children in ways that say we have a deep calling...
And still it's been misery. Me with my kids, me with my husband, me with...well, me.
I remember this happening before, this slough of despond. And I remember it lasting a long time. But then God revealed himself to me in the most precious way. And now He did it again. Yet another ebenezer to hold (I'll explain that in a little).
One morning I heard "the whisper" to sit and be with Him. So I listened. I grabbed my Bible and skeptically sat to read. Before I opened it I asked, "can this mean something today"?

I'd been reading in John 17 because it's my favorite, but I felt like opening to the psalms. I just started somewhere in the 40th chapter. I read along with David and his plight, due to his sin. But, of coarse, I was just an observer to David's reconciliation with the Lord, because "my stubbornness towards God was hormone-related and that is out of my control". As I read and read, the Holy Spirit talked sternly to me through the Words on the pages. At one point, my eyes were so opened to my sins and the heart attitude behind them that I found it hard to breath. All through these verses were disciplines from God toward David for his sins and toward the Israelites because of there sins. I couldn't help but think I should get it for my transgressions. I realized that I'm prone to live in the grace of God so much, that I don't consider the sin at all anymore. I felt, for a moment, that I should stay in the mire...seeing them, reflecting on them, paying homage to them..like the Israelites. After all, when they kept receiving grace from God and remained rebellious and ungrateful, they suffered.
But then, a little verse in psalms glowed on the page. I don't remember it exactly, but it reminded me that the Israelites lived before Christ came. Oh yes, it was a verse talking about when God lead them in the form of a cloud by day and a fire by night. I knew immediately that we have it so much better.
At that, I felt a nudge toward the book of Hebrews where it talks of Jesus being holy and our high priest and better still, sympathetic towards our weaknesses.
I had just received a hug from heaven. The icky aura that surrounded me for days, vaporized.
He spoke to me and loved me for that precious 40 minutes or so.
These special times with God are etched on my heart. They're unforgettable.

I mentioned ebenezer before. An ebenezer is a stone of hope. Back when the Israelites weren't listening to God, they asked Samuel to pray to God that He would spare them during a battle against another nation. God answered Samuel's prayer and they won. After the battle, Samuel put a stone between the places they fought and won and called it ebenezer, stone of hope to remember what God had done.
If there ever comes a time to share my hope with the "precious persons" that I think of so often, I won't utter cold blank words to them. I won't offer anecdotes. I'll just have my little bag of ebenezers. Each one can do nothing less than bring a warm glow that entices any person. I have a reason for my hope. I've been hugged by God, just recently too. And He's made His word come alive and my heart plays beautiful, peaceful songs when I stay there.
He gives the answers to our heart's hard questions. He gives us comfort when we suffer...hope that comes with the reasons that we have to go through pain. They aren't always obvious and I'm starting to understand why. Our relationship's very fiber with Him is faith. He needs us to relinquish and let go. How devastating if we elevate comfort or happiness or any other gifts He gives us above "He alone". He is where we are satisfied.
He's understanding. He's long-suffering. He's totally devoted to developing our relationship. He invites us, by having had the Godhead torn apart for a moment, into His very sanctuary. He paces us on our journey. He slows down or speeds up according to our need...not according to us though, but how He sees fit. He's clever. His word is so detailed and simple all at the same time. He's woven it so that when you read, you see His intellect and humor at the same time.
None of this can be taken away from me. It's etched in my heart.
I can do nothing but be thankful. So thankful.